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Ian, The Sexy-Ass China Man

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wait. [04 Jun 2004|09:00am]
please email me your thoughts at icoombe@memphis.edu or does it just come to my email, i forgot lata
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what's really on my mind and what's been bothering me for a long time. [04 Jun 2004|08:27am]
life is hard when you have done something wrong and never really asked for your forgiveness or tried to ask for help. we have all made bad choices and have done really bad things in our lives due to that we were too stupid or our values were messed up, or just being immature and then, it might take us a long time to figure things out but, after awhile we all grow up and come to our senses and then you are like what the heck have i done? a year later, i have been carrying wrong with me fort the longest and i have been keeping it in for a year, and it's just eating away my heart and my mind. i decided that i have to find a way to find peace with myself and others. life is not easy but, if it is easy then well all would be living in a perfect world, i just wish i can just get to see or talk to this one person that i have done wrong to to make it right to her even if she is mad at me or even hate me, i do not blame her because was a complet butthole with her and i was too dumb to realize at that time that she was the best thing that ever have happeded to me and now it might be too late and since i lost her a year go or so and now there is a huge part of me that is missing. life is just not the same without her and life is hard to live withouth her because when you have prblems going to sleep at night and wonder all the time about how much life would be better and sweeter if you werent' too stupid letting her go and were tooooo dumb to realize it and now you are regretting about the whole thing. AND YES, I AM TALKING ABOUT ME! almost a year later on, i just sit there aodn wonder all the time it's just not the same without the only person who treated me well and cared adn maybe almost to the point of love me for who i am and i felt the same about her but, i was too dumb and i let my temptation got the best of me and what can i say, i was just being an imature stupid guy but, now a year later, i am hurting and haunted by the decistion/s i made with her, we had a wonderful thing going for us and i truly cared about her and everything. carying and loving is about how the person is, you are who you are and you should care adn love them for whonever they are regardless if they are not like everybody elst, that just make them enev more special and i was too dumb to admit that nad now she is gone. now i am missing her adn craving for her. WELL, IF BY NOW YOU HAVE NOT FIGURED OUT WHO I AM TALKING THEN I GUESS IT IS JUST TOO BAD LOL! you'll be surprised what one year can do to a person, the changes that we make the progrress we can make within that one year. i just came to my senceses and have my values right and been living an honest life and tryingn to do right, that is to say i am perfect because i am far from it. but, i am for sure one changed man because of one person and because her tought me a leason, it is true about the statement that: You don't know somethign good, wonderful, and great is gone nuntil it's gone and maybe forever. DAMNE! HOW I WISH I STILL HAVE HAVE HER BY MY SIDE SORRY FOR MY POOR GRAMMAR AND SPELLIGN I AM SURE YOU WILL GET OVER IT AND THIS IS NOT FOR MY ENGLISH CLASS AND AFTER ALL I AM CHINESE HA HA HA! I WRITE ANOTHER DAY AND PLEASE LET ME HERE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS AND PLEASE BE NICE ABOUT.
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wow, this is just CRAZY., [30 Nov 2003|11:45pm]
ok, this cannot go anywhere, me and some of my friends went to the strip club tonight because I haven't seen one of them in a like time. well, when we got over there, I found out that one of those dancers they have is one of the people i am in the band wih.HAHAH, it was crazy, she is so fuckind fine, and i would so do her and maybe have the chance in the future. lol. I so need some ass like a fuck buddy. buta, anyhow, i am so tired and need some action to keep me up. hehe, peace out.
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well, I am back.............. [14 Oct 2003|12:22pm]
If you really love some one, wouldn't you give up just about/ anything for them inorder to make them/each other happy and have a healthy relationship? Well, I would. It's hard to change who you are and some of your beliefs but, things do change and people chage also. we make the rules and we also can break the rules if we realy wanted to. I am confused and going crazy about some things with the person I care and and like the most and even dare to say love but some of the things the person I am with is doing it's just driving me CRAZY, and the only thing that's keep us together is the caringness, likeness, and dare to say once again, the love for this person. I just with she can feel what I am feeling right now and been beeing for awhile.
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sup yo....... [07 Apr 2003|06:34pm]
well, sorry that i haven't written in so long. I have been really busy with school, band, and a whole lot of other shit. I am gonna get an F in my clarinet leasons because i have missed a lot of them and also because dr. gholson is a Biatch. i just have to deal with a lot shit lately because this girl in my chinese is messing with my feelings and my mind, i hate it when people mess with my shit. buta, i don't care because i will be 21 on the 10th of april and i am gonna party like a mother fucker. I am gonna party with everybody and anybody what i hang out with and know. i just have to put up with a lot of shit and deal with a lot stuff that i really don't wanna have anything to do with.buta, i just updated my journal and i am gonna try my best to write something everyday. holla.......
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"QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART". [20 Mar 2003|10:38am]
YOU KNOW THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THAT ALL THEY DO IS PLAY WITH PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS? UMMMMMMMM. WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, I HATED WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT, THERE ARE A FEW THINGS THAT HATE ABOUT THIS WORLD AND THE PEOPLE IN IT ARE: PEOPLE WHO ARE RACIST, PEOPLE WHO TELLS LIES, PEOPLE WHO KILLS AND STEALS, AND PEOPLE WHO MESS WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS AND PLAYING WITH THEIR HEART AND HEAD
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I am back................... [18 Mar 2003|09:17pm]
sorry that i have not written in so long, that is becuase i didn't have a computer back at home during spring break. i hope everybody had a GREAT spring break, coz mine sucked, i had to work in the year, i do mean, a lot of work in the yard. but, i am back now, and i am a changed man, and i'll tell you how and why i am a chaged man. i have a little history to give you before i let you into this deal. ok. i met this girl last year during orientation, i have never met her before, but we had a 3 hours+ conversation that night, and i found out both of us have the same major, minor, we both speaks chinese, and we have soooooo much in common, and the other thing about her was her name that's it. she is just a grea person, i like her and i believe she likes me too, i just asked her out on a date and maybe faruther the rrelationship, i am not sure what is gonna happen. but, i tell you once thing , she is very hot, she is nice, sweet, smart, sexy, and she's got a dark side to her alos, that's what makes me so attractive to her, that is so sexy and attractive to me. she makes wanna be a better man. she makes me feel like a real guy and i respect her so much, i respect all the girls but, when i am with her, i respect a girl and respect her more. i guess you can say i am crazy about her but, whenever i say her name or when somebody else talks about her, it makes my stomach turn. i can't stop talking about her, and i can't stop thinking about her, i know she's got feelings for me and i have a lot of feelings for her, i just have to make the decistion, and i want it to work out so badly, i am afraid what it doesn't work out, i am be hrut for a long time, if it works out, she'll make me the happiest man on the earth, and if it doesn't work out, i'll be the sadest man on the earth. i am preying and hopign things will work out. buta,i don't know what is gonna happen, i'll write more later, gota go and eat some food.
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well. [03 Mar 2003|10:45pm]
guess what? i saw the girl today for the first time since our thing on friday ngiht, she asked me how come i didn't call her, and i didn't know i was suppose to call her, and she got mad at me. i don't understand, i mean, she didn't ask me to call her, was i suppose to caller her? she never did tell me to call her. dam, i mean, is she wanting a relationship? the hell i am suppose to know, i have no idea what the hell is going on. i mean, 2 of my friends told me she was horriable in bed, and told me not to mess with her, if they find out, that wouldnt' be kool at all. and if i don't call her and have a relationship if that's what she wanted, than the others will find out anyways, hell, i dont' know. but, i have so much to do, i ahve 3 papers to write and is due Wendnesday, dam, i have to go and get my ass to work. peace
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I came to a conclusion about myself. [02 Mar 2003|01:08am]
i came to find out that i am a man whore. i tel u y. i went to this party the other night, i didn't drink, or smoke, i decided that i don't want to drink amymore and if i do drink, i am not going to drink that much, i only drink a beer or two at the most. but, anyhow, i went to this party the other night, i saw this girl there, and she was hot, and i asked my friends about her coz i was shy, and they told me her name was ashley and she is crzy and i asked y, and they said she is VERY talkative and sh eis horriable in bed, and i was just wondering, so i went to talk to her and she was kinda drunk but not really. so, we talked for a long time and lets just say she was curious about me and was the same about her, and we clicked like nobody wouldn't believe. i was even supprised about it. lets just say here and there, we ended up in bed and we had a very good time and they said about ashley was bad in bed, i don't agree with it a bit, i thought she was awsooommme. than again, what do i know about sex, i only had less than half a dozen, and what the hell do i know. i don't really want to have sex with just any girl but, it's hard to control me and my egg roll, and if i keep on doing this, than sex would't mean much to me later on when i do find sombody that i really care for, right now, i am just doing it for fun and curiosity, and than i think about the quote "Curiosity kill the cat". i don't know, i am a slut. i guess i need help and need to find THE ONE, and call it quits and be happy for the rest of my life. lol. i am not going to drink and have sex for a VERY LONG TIME.well, i am gonna try my best not to. PEACE
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everything was great til band. [27 Feb 2003|09:31pm]
well, i got up this morning and had breakfast and went to ALL my classes and did very well, and it was a wonderful day. and than i got to band, it was kool, i didn't really dig the music we were playing but, i got over it, and THAN, not to be mean or anything i just have to say this, if u know me, i don't like to talk bad about people, or being talked bad about, and most of all, i don't like when people talk about other people when they have a disability, like my eyes, and other people with their weight problems, well, people can joke about a lot of things, like, your hair is messed up or even you can joke about your breath smells bad, and that's as far as a person should go when you make jokds about people, but, when you start saying about you can't see, you are blind, or you are so fat, they have to make special clothes, car, chairs, ect. for you , that is just so wrong, and there was this girl, i liked her coz. she WAS kool with me, and than today, i asked her a question and she said "you can't see, you are blind". first of all, she didn't have any fucking place to say anything about anybody, because she is HUGE, like what i said, i didn't like to talk bad about a person, and she is UGLY in my opinion, and she look like a FUCKING MAN, in my opinion of course, who the fuck gave her permission to talk about me being fucking blind? who the fuck is she to judge me? i didn't say anything about her and she jsut fucking slamed on me, wha the fuck was that bull shit. wow, i just made myself sound like an asshole. to be honest, i can care less if a person is ugly or fat, or skinny, or whatever, i care about the heart, and the mind, and looks are my last thing to worry about, but, she just really pissed me off, and i really wanted to say something to her but, i stoped and counted to ten and just closed my mouth what is the saying? "silence is golden", that realy worked for me. and i am just not a mean person if you know me, and i just don't know what to say. so, to relief that stress, i went to Trilogy's tonight and got my left ear pierced, i have an ear ring now, it hurts like a mofo but, i'll just have to get over it, no pain no gain. lol. well, gota go write a paper and do a lot of reading, peace out
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Sorry. [26 Feb 2003|11:09pm]
i know it's been a few days since u all have heard from me, i have just been quiet busy with school, band, and friends. i am so sorry, there is really nothing exciting about my life right now except that i love the snow and snow ball fighting. it's just been pretty shity with the snow and a lot other bull shit i really don't want to get in to it, but i need to go to bed now i have a VERY LONG DAY tomorrow. ttyl
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a lot on my mind. [23 Feb 2003|08:46pm]
i have so much to say, and i don't know where to start. well, last night, my friend Aaron, asked me if i want to go to a friend of his to hang out, u know me, i siad yes. we got over there, the first thing i saw was a REHEAD sitting on the sofa and chillin, i love redheads, and we got in and introduced me to everybody and got to meet them and find out their names, and as right now, jonathan was jumping on my bed up na down and up and down, and earlier he wanted me to call some girl up so he can do her up the butt, and he is scaring me, and begin to think he is gay or he just like ass. lol. as i was saying, we started to drink and i had a lot to drink and i really don't remember how much i drank, and Aaron my friend, told me that redhead was for me, and she was one of my b-day presents, one of them, i can't wait to see whatelse he is going to give me for my 21 b-day in April. so, lets just say i got pretty tipsy, and me and this redhead got it on, we got it on, and it was her first time, and she was incredible, and even though it was her first time, and i feel so bad now, because afterwards, i found out that she was only 17, and her i am, 20 fucking years old, almost 21, and she is 17, i feeling horrible about it, i am mad myself for not asking and mad at her for not telling me how old she was, i guess mostly was my fault because i wasn't thinking, i was thinking but, with the wrong head. and plus i feel bad because it was her first time, with me. i hope i was good enough for her, i am pretty sure i did a wonderful job, since we did it 4 times within 6 hours, i guess i was good/horny or she was just horny, i don't know. but, i hope it was just as good for as it was for her. i guess it was since she said i wsa awoome but, than, what does she know, it was her first time. anyway, i just lost my train of thought because JERONE came in, i don't really like him. but, i don't know what's going on, i am really lost it, i don't even know what to say. oh, i remember now, so, i feel really bad about it, and she gave me her number but, i don't know what happened to it, and she is going to be mad at me for not calling her becasue i lost the digits. so, i don't know what's going on now. buta, i got to go do something, ttyl.
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This was the SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT [20 Feb 2003|10:56pm]
well, where do i start, dam, wendnesday night, it was college night at Christy's Cabaret, yup, a strip club. so, me and about 30 of others went over there, no cover charge, and 2 bucks per drink, and 2 for 1 special table dances, 10 bucks for 2. so, i went over there with 40 dollars and came back with ummmmmmmm, 0. lol, but, i had a hell of a time. my friend aaron hooked me up with a free lap dance from this fine girl, and then i payed for one, and got one for free, and then we went up the vip room, and the friction dance. her name was Samantha, she goes to the UNIVERSITY OF MEMPHISSSSSSSSSS....... we hit if off very well, and we hung out about 5 hours that night, and I got in as a 21 year-old because the girl at the front door that I was 21, swwwwwweeeetttt. so, i had about 10+ drinkns dnd the girl hooked me up, she only charged me 1 buck for each drink, it was awwwwsooomme. and then my friend told her that I perfer red heads but, she is not a red head, and she said yes I am, but, she's got brown hair, she told me she deyd her hair and I still didn't believe her, so,she took everything off, well, they r not suppose to do that, but she did for me, and she had a carpet, a little one, I dig that a lot, and IT WAS REEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!1 so, i think we might hook up, and we drank together and did a lot of other stuff, NO, i didn't have sex with her, just oral. lol, she thought that i was the just cutes thing she has ever seen, and she loved my hair, and she digs black hair on guys, yup, ME. lol. and then, after we got done, she asked me to give her a lap dance and I can't do it, because I had a little too much to drink that night, and she was very kool with it. and I had lets just say a lot of tittties and asses in my face, and it was great. lol i have to say, i loved it. hey guess what? i think i might go back sometimes soon, not next week or week after that but, maybe week after that. lol. and lets just say, i had blue balls afterwards. lol. i have not been to bed in about 40 hours and i am going to bed. nighty night.
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HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 [18 Feb 2003|09:36pm]
well, what can I say, I had a pretty good weekend, I went home with my mom and dad, I spent sometime with my old griends. They gave me a Spongebob JAMI....... and some other stuff. I didn't have sex or antying but.......... u know things did happen, what can I say, I am a man hore. lol. I don't know I have been very tired and bored, I can't really stand my Oral Comm. my teacher is gay as hell. I am just pissed off about everything, I kinda have those days. my friend and I had some to drink tonight, there was about 7 of us. I know my stuff is probabley not making any sense. I guess it's just because my english is not good. lol, I am Chinese. Hey, I am listenign to some Tech N9ne. They fucking rock. I don't really want to go to the concert tomorrow but, I have to, it's going to really suck, they msic and some of the people they really suck. I go just because one of the band directors, she is HOT, aMY. WOWOWOWOWOW. But, I am going to hook up with a Chinese girl I think, i am not sure. Hey, I lve all girls. So ah, as it right now, I am FREE. Well, I have to go study now. NIGHTY NIGHT. JONATHAN SAYS HI AND HIS IS FREEE ALSO.
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Horriable day. [13 Feb 2003|12:01am]
My day sucked ass, it was really band from the beginning. I got up this morning felling very shitty, and they I went to my US History calss, and it was really bad, and the afternoon was very boring, nota single dam thing went on. And them I had to go to Oral Comm, class, and sit though a shit load of speaches, and that was very bad. When I got back, more shit added on to my shitty day. Let me start by giving you the bakcground to my sotry. On my floor, there is was guy his name Jerone, I think that's how you spell his name. Ok, I don't mind helping people, but, this guy, he'll come over about 10-15 times day and ask me and my roomate to help him with things or give him things, from 30 cents to 60 cents and one dollar, and helping him from doing his homework to washing his clothes and throwing away his trash. And today, he came over and asked me and my roomate to fix his pants up for him. Ok, I don't mind about helping him with a lot of those things but, fix his fucking pants and wash is clothes, and a lot of other shit, I am not his fucking mother or slave, and for sure my roomate isn't either. This have been going on since the beginning of the semester, I can only hold in and stand so much, so, not to mean, in front of my roomate and my RA, I kindly told him to just back off a little, oh yeah, he even have asked us to find him a quote unquote "BITCH/SLUT, WHIT HOE BECUASE THEY SUCK DICK". What kinda of fucking shit is that? With that kinda of a attitude, he is never going to get a woman, not to mean about it. Sooooooooo........ To top the night off with, some guy threw BBQ sauce all over the hall on our floor, on the guy across the hall from my room's door, my door, and I was for the guy but, it just splattered all over my door too and on the wall, so, me, my roomate, my RA, and anohter we had to clean that shit off. I am so pissed off, right now, and I am typing this and listening to some KORN, FEAR FACTORY, TOOL, MANSON, AND A LOT OF OTHER HEAVE SHIIIIIIIIITTTT!!! I just have to feel better. So, now, I am going to study and I hope you all had a better day than me and nghty night.
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well, well. [12 Feb 2003|12:39am]
I am sure you all have read my journal from the last time. Remember the girl I told you about? Well, she is spoke to me the day after it happened, and we havn't talked since then, I don't know what the freaking deal is. You know, I guess I don't care. I mean, I did my part by trying to talk to her, and she is acting like she doesn't know me. I am just taking it like she used me. I mean, it's the first time. That is for the sex and being used. That was actually my second time doing the dirty thing, but, that wasn't the first time doing other tings. I don't know, today, well, yesterday, it was freaking crazy, I wanted to go to taco bell all day, and so I went there after band, and I stayed in line for 30 fucking minutes, and they tell me they are out of beef, and it's going to be another 10-15 minutes, I was so pissed off, and other were too, they could have told us while we were in line, but, no, they are just too fucking lazy to tell us. I was so pissed off and with a lot of ther things. Well, I am going to bed.
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.................. [09 Feb 2003|10:56pm]
well, i don't know, i felt like shit today, i guess because whatever happened last night/thi morning is still bothering me. i think it's going to bother me for a long time or maybe for the rest of my life. what is really messed up is that i don't know how to add people to my list, i know it sounds really stupid, but, i have no idea. I guess what i have to say tonight is that i am just really confused and los about life and relationships. sometimes i feel like i am never going to have a steady love life, and i guess i am going to spent valentines alone again. I mean, after awhile, this is just like any other day for me, just a day by myself, and spent alone. maybe i'll just live alone for the rest of my life and just chill!!!!!!!!!1 ah, i am tired and stressed out about what have happened early this morning, and a whole lot of other shit. so ah, i am tired and need to go to bed, good night.
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crazy shit. [08 Feb 2003|06:55am]
well, what can I say, at 4:00am this morning, several of my friends and I were sitting in the 8th floor lounge and chilling, and a cop shined thier light at the window and started to yal and making a lot of noise, we started to tell him to turn his light off and there was a fight about it, and they cops came upstairs and got all of us in trouble, and we r going to be in some shit. One of our friends got taken in jail. But, everything is going to be kool. But, what is really fuced up about this whole situation was that they hit on our firned and cust us out, and making racial comments. I just don't think that is right. So, I am really pissed off. I am sorry, I know I am suppose to write everyday but, sometimes I just can't get to it. I still love you and take care, when u read about it, I'll tell you more about it in detail.
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My first time writing this. So, read all about it. [06 Feb 2003|12:19am]
Well, what can I say, a really good friend of mine asked me to do this and I thought it was really interesting. So, basicly what I am going to write is going to tell you about myself and what my likes ad dislikes are. I don't about you but, I have alwasy run into a situation where you are so interested in a person and really want to get to know this person and just want to love her, care for her, and give your heart and soul to her but, the only problem is that she is self insecure and afraid of a relationship. But, alll you want, in the situation, is all I want, is to give her those things and make her happy and give the best of everything to her. I am so stressed out and down on this whole deal. I want to get to know her, I want to care for her, I want to lover her, but, it's like a wall in between us, and I can't knock down the wall and get on the other side of it. I don't know, in my past relationships where, the girls alwasy say I am too nice, and I am treating them like a queen and they can not handle it. I mean, hell, isn't that what every girl every wanted is for a guy to treat them like they are number one and they are the queen? How can you be too nice? I think it's just stupid, I don't think I am making any sence. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am frustrated with my love life and relationships. I have not had a girlfriend in a long time, I do mean a long time. And everytime when there is a girl that I like, somebody else would take her away from her. Personally, I think it's FUCKED UP. But, I have to face the reality, that we can not always get what we want. I am sure you are tired of reading my SHIT, but, I just have to get a lot off my manly chest. LOL. I still believe there is stil a person out there for me, and I just have to find her, until then, I don't know what I am going to do. I guess these day, every girl want a bad guy, not a good, guy. Good guys always finish last. Hey, you know what? I might not be the best looking guy, cutest guy, biggest guy, tallest guy, shortest guy, ect. But, I have a heart, and it's a very good one, and I have a brain and it's a very educated brain. So, to me, I think those things are the most important things to me, and it should be everybody's also.
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